Hello. Sid here.
Humans love comparing things. Fastest car. Biggest house. Best football team.
And now, apparently, cats.
Naturally, nobody asked us.
So I’ve decided to settle the matter myself.
Welcome to the Great Cat Breed Challenge.
Today’s vital categories include Brains, Cuteness, Mischief, Chattiness and Chill Factor.
The scores are completely scientific.
By which I mean I made them up.
Let battle commence.
🐱 Maine Coon — The Gentle Giant
Cuteness: 95 | Bravery: 94 | Chill: 91
Huge, fluffy and surprisingly gentle.
Basically a small lion that has decided not to eat you.
Sid says: Impressive. I’d like to see one fit through my cat flap.
🐾 Siamese — The Chatterbox
Brains: 96 | Mischief: 92 | Chattiness: 100
You don’t need to introduce a Siamese.
It will introduce itself.
Repeatedly.
Sid says: I once asked a Siamese how its day was.
Three hours later, it was still telling me.
🐈 British Shorthair — The Sofa Champion
Cuteness: 97 | Mischief: 54 | Chill: 99
Round face. Plush coat. Calm expression.
It looks as though it owns a country house and is slightly disappointed with the staff.
Sid says: Finally, a serious athlete.
Sleeping is a sport.
🐆 Bengal — The Troublemaker
Brains: 97 | Mischief: 100 | Chill: 23
Beautiful, clever and extremely curious.
If your Bengal suddenly goes quiet, don’t celebrate.
Go and find it.
Sid says: That plant pot didn’t fall over by itself.
Probably.
👑 Persian — The Celebrity
Cuteness: 100 | Mischief: 38 | Chill: 98
Magnificent coat. Regal expression.
The Persian doesn’t enter a room.
It makes an appearance.
Sid says: Any cat that persuades a human to brush it every day is cleverer than it looks.
🧸 Ragdoll — The Relaxation Expert
Cuteness: 99 | Mischief: 43 | Chill: 100
The Ragdoll has mastered something humans spend fortunes trying to learn.
Relaxation.
Sid says: Finally, some proper competition.
I’ve been training for this category all my life.
🐈⬛ Sphynx — The Radiator Specialist
Brains: 92 | Mischief: 89 | Bravery: 91
No big fluffy coat here.
Which means the Sphynx has discovered one of humanity’s finest inventions:
the radiator.
Sid says: Sensible cat. Find the warmest place in the house and refuse to move.
🏆 The Final
Time for the showdown.
Siamese plays Chattiness: 100.
Nobody else gets a chance to speak.
Bengal plays Mischief: 100.
A plant pot falls over.
Persian plays Cuteness: 100.
Ragdoll plays Chill: 100 and immediately falls asleep.
Then everyone turns to me.
“Sid, what’s your best score?”
Easy.
Wisdom: 100.
The Siamese demands evidence.
The Bengal wants a recount.
The Persian isn’t listening.
The Ragdoll is still asleep.
Excellent.
🐾 Sid’s Thought for the Day
Maybe there isn’t one “best” cat.
One is energetic. One is clever. One is cuddly. One can talk for Britain. And one is exceptionally good at doing absolutely nothing.
People are rather like that too.
You don’t have to be the best at everything. Find what you’re good at and enjoy being you.
Although, if anyone asks who won…
Sid
Obviously.
— Wise Cat S.